I have heard many people tell me "The Bible says God will never give you more than you can bear". I beg to differ. 1. The Bible doesn't say that. 2. He absolutely will.
9 years ago today, I received the news of the death of my brother Mike. It was the 2nd brother I had lost in only 2 months. Some family members think that Mike lost the will to live when Fred - his twin- passed in July. I don't know.
What I do know is that the death of two brothers was only the beginning.
A mere two months later, I was hospitalized for a week and nearly lost my own life. Immediately following that, a feud erupted within my family that ripped it totally apart.
9 years later, I still have not been able to put all the pieces back together.
I can look back though, and at least understand much more than I ever did before. Toxicity and abuse permeate the entire history of my family as far back as anyone can calculate. It goes back certainly to my childhood but now I understand fully that it goes back at least to the childhoods of both of the people who would later be my parents.
Fred and Mike suffered horribly, and I wish I could say it all makes sense, but I can't. I have often marveled how causing human suffering is a sport to some people and how the most outwardly holy people in image can be some of the most vile and cruel of all.
Yet, Fred's last will gave the proceeds of nearly everything he had to the poor and Mike died with his rosary clutched in his hands. Their lives were a mess and many of their wounds were self-inflicted, but their last thoughts were apparently of God.
This brings me back to my first point.
God absolutely will give us more than we can bear so that, helpless and hopeless, we turn to him. In the end, that's the only way out of this crazy world.
Most of the greatest Catholic writers and leaders, from Saint Paul to Saint John of the Cross to Mother Theresa, went through trials and torments and seasons of absolute despair. They were astounded at their own wretchedness and struggled with isolation and humiliation and desolation.
They all experienced that cry from the depths of the soul, My God, My God, Why have you abandoned me?
The road of the believer is often a lonely walk in the rain, searching for answers and bristling from the coldness of people and the emptiness of hearts. The road is narrow, and the way is rocky and hard, and few will find it.
Lord, forgive my bitterness at the trials you have given me and the apparent deafness to my pleas. Help me walk this little bit more, ending up with you, through whichever dark road it takes. It's true. I cannot bear the life you have given me.
but You can.
댓글